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Pray for Sammy….

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 30, 2012 by Steve Childress

“God, we want to ask that you have Your healing hand on baby Sammy tonight. Help him get better and give his mommy and daddy peace…” This was part of our evening prayer with our children tonight. My 5-year-old later asked what was wrong with Sammy and without going into great detail, we simply said “He is hurt, in the hospital, and needs our prayers.” The truth is, it is much more complicated than just being hurt.

Earlier last week, Trey Simpson dropped off his 10-month-old son, Sammy, at the babysitter’s house as he had done ever since Sammy was born. When Sammy’s mom, Liz arrived that afternoon to pick him up, Sammy was already in his car seat, strapped in, and waiting by the door to be picked up. However, Sammy wasn’t awake or responsive. Liz pulled him out of the carrier to try to wake him and had no success.

Liz immediately strapped him back in and rushed him to the nearest emergency room. The doctors ran a few tests on Sammy which showed that he had a stroke and seizure. They immediately had him transported to Memphis Le Bonheur Children’s Hospital. MRI’s were performed which indicated that Sammy had a blood clot on the left side of his brain. He immediately had surgery where doctors had to remove a section of his skull to operate and relieve the blood that formed on the brain.

The next MRI taken post-surgery showed that there was never a stroke, no damage done, and emotions were high. However, the next CT scan a  couple of days later did reveal that there was evidence of a stroke that might affect his speech. There was still hope in this recent result because, with therapy, he could possibly overcome this and that the right side of the brain would be able to compensate for his left side’s weaknesses. The neurosurgeon later said that his speech would not be affected as much, but the primary concern would be his right side of his body. He will not be 100% as far as walking and using that side of his body. There will most likely be some kind of impairment and physical therapy will be required. Saturday brought on another MRI which revealed that his entire left side of his brain is stroked out (what the original MRI showed). Based on this diagnosis, he would have little to no vision and little to no use of his right side of his body.

What I’m not telling you about baby Sammy’s condition is the cause. During the surgery, the surgeons found more blood that was at least two weeks old, in addition to the blood clot that prompted the strokes that began last week’s events. Based on the diagnosis, Sammy had experienced Shaken Baby Syndrome.

When Sammy was brought into LeBonheur, it was apparent that the nurses and staff were slightly cold toward Liz and Trey. They have every right to be; LeBonheur sees at least one shaken baby syndrome case a week. After getting to know Trey and Liz, they quickly realized that this did not happen on their watch. When Sammy was dropped off that morning, they dropped off a totally perfect 10-month-old baby boy. The baby sitter said he may have fallen in his crib and hit his head. The truth is the CT scans showed severe trauma to the brain. Liz’s father said it was equivalent to falling off of a two story building. It was apparent, based on the CT scans, that an incident happened two weeks prior that caused the old blood and then again that very day. The baby sitter is now obviously on the defense. The police, as well as DHS are currently investigating this case.

First and foremost, Trey and Liz know God and His unconditional love, sacrifice, and compassion. They also know that God is in control. On the flip side, their emotions are intense, as they should be. Their faith is constraining the anger that is inside, and they are in constant prayer for peace, direction, and resolution….not to mention justice. Liz told me “I don’t know how to feel. I’m so mad that someone took abilities away from my child. Someone that I trusted to watch him. I don’t know how to recover from that. But I do know that God can still work his miracle. His mercies are new every day. Great is thy faithfulness. That Has been my motto through all this”.

Today, Sunday, has been a good day for Sammy. The nurses were able to remove the feeding tube and for the first time, Liz was able to bottle feed Sammy. In addition, Sammy was able to open his eyes. Liz said seeing his beautiful eyes open was the most precious sight she had ever seen. On top of all of today’s good news, Liz was able to hold her baby boy for the first time. Sammy was speaking “Momma” over and over again.

The road ahead is uncertain, but today’s signs show progress. Pray for this family. Pray that Sammy’s condition continues to improve. Pray that he gains 100% of all his body and comes out of this better than before he went in. Pray for peace for Trey, Liz, and family as they travel this road. Pray for peace and God’s Will as the investigations continue and that justice be served. Pray that all of this family’s needs, financial, basic necessities, and emotional needs are met. Liz’s employer will allow her to take FMLA, but she will not receive pay.

A fund has been established where you can make donations locally or mail checks to be deposited into the fund. If you live in the Memphis area or North Mississippi area you can go into any Trustmark Bank and make a donation. The account will be set up under Trey and Elizabeth Simpson and checks will need to be made payable to Trey or Elizabeth Simpson. If you wanted to mail a check for donation you can send it to,

Trustmark Bank

Attn: Steve Childress

6165 Poplar Ave.

Memphis, TN 38119

 

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Considering Running for Office?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 23, 2012 by Steve Childress

Well I have, numerous times. First and foremost I am for termed positions in local, state, and federal elected positions. Albert Einstein said that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. When you have the same elected officials in office, churning their same old ideas and rhetoric, and playing the same old political games, this government will never change. I am for putting fresh people, average Joe’s like you and me, into office with ground roots ideas. Who knows more of the hardships on Main street than on Wall street than the average Joe? Also the main fact that the average Joe’s will not be corrupted in politics and we’ll have their terms served before they can truly become corrupted in politics, therefore the best interest of the people are truly at the top of mind when decisions are made.

So what does it take for a person to run for an elected position? What keeps the majority of people who want to make this leap from doing so? I’ve asked these same questions and pondered for quite some time where to get started, what qualifies you as a candidate, and I think the number one reason that detours people from running is how do you maintain a living doing it? Throughout this post I will be referring to the State of Tennessee, its laws/qualifications because Tennessee is all I know and obviously where I call home. For those of you reading this in the other 49 check your state’s qualifications, but at the end of the day the same principles apply.

What qualifies a person to be an elected official? You have to be called to this position. I’m not saying that God is going to knock you off your ride with a blinding light on the road to Damascus, but you have to truly have a heart of concern for your cause. Your cause being local, state, or federal you need to pinpoint where you can best serve and make a difference. For me it is hands down on a state level. My personal conviction is representing the people of West Tennessee. I want to make a difference in the state ergo make a difference on a federal level.

You need to get to the heart of your core beliefs. We don’t need a carbon copy of an already elected official we need YOU, YOUR ideas, and YOUR beliefs. YOU matter as well as what you have to say. You probably already know what “party” you best fall into but stand firm in those beliefs. There will never be another YOU to voice these opinions. I am no doubt a God fearing Republican.

You need to have the drive to become an elected official, not just the idea of it, but the execution of becoming one. I like the idea of losing 20 lbs but having the drive to do so is a different story. We each have different personalities and God has gifted each of us in a different way. To be a public leader you have to possess the natural ability of public speaking, leadership, listening/relating, the ability to make controversial decisions, and live your life knowing your every move is being watched and judged. My wife is the complete opposite of me and does not like an ounce of attention drawn to her. On the other hand I’m one to walk into a room and strike up a conversation with a lamp. I love people, I love being involved, and I love voicing my opinions.

You must qualify according to your state’s laws. Let’s look at a Tennessee House of Representative position. According to TN state law a candidate must be at least 21 years of age, a US citizen, a citizen of TN for 3 years, a resident in the represented county for at least 1 year, and a qualified registered voter in the legislative district. Sounds good so far moving on….one must obtain a nomination petition from the county election commission office and do so 90 days before the deadline. One must obtain at least 25 local registered voter signatures nominating you as a candidate. From there one will file their nomination and what party they will run under to their local county district. Seems easy, but let’s talk about the biggest setback in my opinion, and why people like me have not made this leap.

Money….Yes this little necessity we all need to survive on. Not money to enter a nomination, this whole process is actually free. Running a campaign does require personal money but as much as one thinks. These funds will come from various sources who decide to back you as a candidate. I’m talking about your annual salary. Going back to a TN House Rep they do get a salary for their elected position. A whopping $19,009 a year plus $185 a day per diem per legislative day. Keeping to the notion of your average middle class Joe running for office who would have an average salary of maybe $45,000 a year cannot sacrifice a $26,000 pay cut to pursue this cause. Therefore when it’s all said and done the only people who could really afford this position are those whose jobs allow flexibility. A TN House of Representative will spend at the minimum of 90 days in session over a two year period. So that’s 45 days a year. What company will allow you 45 days off a year? At the most if you cashed in your vacation days you could only use an average of 10 (two weeks) days. You’ll have to kiss your family vacations good bye because you’ve used up those days in session. Now given you get $185 per day per diem. That’s an additional $8,325 a year plus the $19,009 salary you’re now earning $27,334 a year. Still a major cut from the average Joe’s $45,000 salary. Jobs that do allow you to miss these days are those that are already paying you a nice hefty salary and the money the state gives you to represent them is merely pocket change. These flexible jobs are ones such as Lawyers, Insurance Agents, Small Business owners, Retired individuals etc. Someone like me who work’s a 40 hour work week can’t have this flexibility. There are those rare occasions when ones employer would work with you, but most fall under the idea “when done for one it must be done for all.”

So this begs the question, how does the average Joe compete? I’d really like to know. How does someone like me who wants to make a difference, and have their voice heard, compete against the issue of a loss of necessary income? Am I penalized from this arena because of the profession I have chosen? The issue of compensating ones current salary to hold a seat in their state’s representing positions is the biggest setback I have found that keeps average Joe’s from running on their party’s ticket. This post is now open for discussion so let’s hear your feedback!

-Steve

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Reflections

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on July 16, 2012 by William Howell

As a father, you hear often once your beautiful wife gives birth this statement “He/She looks like….” Inevitably within a matter of a few minutes, this baby all of a sudden looks like mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, the mailman…. maybe the last one is a stretch but in that time, this child is a freak. I know, some of you are appalled and befuddled that I would call your child a freak but humor me for a few moments. Everyone has just matched your child up with five or six different people in your family. “oh, they have your brother’s nose….they have your mom’s eyes….they have your father’s ears….they have your sister’s smile….” and this child isn’t a freak? Okay, maybe not a freak but “precious.”

     But on a serious note, how often does someone say to you “You look just like your Father?” What features of your Father are people saying that you reflect from the Father? Is it mercy and grace or kindness? I was reading in Psalms 119 (which is one of my favorite chapters in the Word of God) where David was praying to God “ Oh that my actions would consistently reflect your decrees! Then I will not be ashamed when I compare my life with your commands.” David, the chief sinner of the Old Testament and the great receiver of grace, desired nothing more than to be the man that could be a reflection of God. In James the great preacher wrote “For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror.You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like.”

      As a father, my desire is to be just like Him, the ultimate Father. When I find myself loosing my temper or falling from grace, I don’t see the reflection of my Father in Heaven. I wrote in an earlier post to “be careful little ears what you hear” because our children repeat what we say and they live up to those words. They also reflect our actions. Have you ever said, “I will never say what my parents said?” You are a liar. I said the same thing before I got married and had children. Then it happened. It slipped. I promise, I wasn’t trying to lie. I wasn’t purposing to tell a fib. But I did. I told my daughter Maleah one night recently….”because I said so.” Doh! I hung my head in shame and walked away. I couldn’t believe I said it. It made it to Facebook and most people hung their heads with me while the others laughed. Why did they laugh? They did it too! We often reflect what our parents say and do. Here’s the thing…you have the option to reflect the good and to keep from reflecting the bad.

      I purpose for my children to reflect patience (still a big work in progress), a can do attitude, faith in God, and so much more. My girls will reflect me one day as they get older. My prayer is that they reflect the good and forget the bad! Perhaps my prayers will be answered.

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For the Grace of God

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on July 13, 2012 by William Howell

Recently, I have been reading on the grace of God in a book entitled “Destined to Reign” by Joseph Prince. So often, our thoughts and our hearts revolve around our sin and what we have done wrong. Sin means to “miss the mark” which is what we do on a daily basis. If not for the grace of God, we would all be condemned to hell. Now, hang with me because there is a point for us fathers to get on this. I am a pretty straightforward guy. The sky is blue, the grass (when watered) is green, God is love, and etc. My children are learning that pretty quickly as they are getting older and as they see it, what Dad says Dad means. That’s good, I guess, until they see that there is no leverage.

In Jonah, God had already prepared to wipe out the whole city and he had just the right man to go tell them. Jonah wanted no part in it. So far, he had heard that these people were the upmost heathens and they could all rot for all he cared. Therefore, Jonah would embark on a journey of running from God. While on this journey, God sent a fierce storm to get Jonah’s attention and attention is what God received. Jonah told the fishermen to cast him overboard and all would be well. Jonah would then be swallowed up by the big fish and then be puked up on the coast leading to the land locked city of Nineveh.

Soon, Jonah would arrive to the city and proclaim that God would wipe out the entire city if they did not repent. Unbeknownst to Jonah, the city did repent. Jonah went far from the city and sat to watch its impending doom. Something strange had happened… the city of Nineveh did not get flattened. God would spare the people and give them yet another chance. What happened to the God who wanted to squash this great city? The heart of God was compelled to show grace to His children, even though they did not deserve it.

Fathers, I am guilty. I have to admit that I am pretty graceless when it comes to our children. I have to daily remind myself of God’s grace when it comes to teaching our children. How much more does our Father in heaven extend grace and forgiveness to us as His children? In Matthew 18:21, we see a candid reminder of how much of Father extends His grace. Peter had had enough of being stabbed in the back thus he asked “how many times must I forgive my brother?” Giving a number of 70 times, he lays the ball in Jesus’ court. What is Jesus’ response? “Seventy time seven.” How does this correlate with God’s grace? If God is calling us to forgive others over and over again, would He not then follow His own instructions?

Here is the rest of the story: “Therefore, the kingdom of Heaven can be compared to a king to decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who had borrowed money from him. In the process, one of his debtors who was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. He couldn’t pay, so his master ordered that he be sold-along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned-to pay the debt. But the man fell before his master and begged him, ‘please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.’ Then his master was filled with pity for him, and he released him and forgave his debt.” Take a moment and let that sink in men of God. The king heard the cry of mercy and grace from his servant and forgave the debt. God knew that you and I could not repay the debt that we owed and gave us grace towards the debt.

As we read on, we see that this servant did not appreciate the grace. “But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. ‘ Be patient with me, and I will pay it,’ he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn’t wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.” The servant of the king did not extend the same grace that the king had given to him. Here’s the irony; we are the same way. How often do you and I get cut off in traffic or have someone being promoted before us or have someone mistakenly bill us for something that we didn’t do yet we have a “how dare you” attitude? Ouch. This was the revelation that I received when reading this book. The revelation was that not only had God given me grace but that He expects me to extend grace. You know the rest of the story of the servant. Someone witnessed it and the king found out bringing him to the ultimate decision to throw him into the prison to be tortured. There’s a sermon in itself but I won’t go there.

If God turned His back on you and I every time we sinned, we would have no relationship because you and I sin on a daily basis. We miss the mark so often that Jesus had to die so that our sins would be cleansed. The ultimate act of grace was that instead of you and I getting the beating, Jesus received it. In order for our children to give grace to those around them, they must first see grace given to them.

Men, I challenge you in this area as God has challenged me. “If Jesus must forgive his ‘brother’ seventy times seventy times, why would our Heavenly Father not do the same for us? Why would He not follow His own example? We as His representatives must do the same for our wives, our children, our families, and the world around us.”

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Now I Understand

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 11, 2012 by Steve Childress

When I was child I seemed to have gotten in trouble all the time. Those who know me personally might find this hard to believe, but yes I was often a trouble maker. I used to jokingly say that everyday around 2:00 pm, just before my nap, I would always get a spanking for something I’d done earlier that day. It was inevitable, but I knew that my actions carried a reaction. Every time when I had to “assume the position” my mom or dad would always say “son, this hurts me more than it will hurt you”, in which I would reply something like “Yeah right, you’ll be able to sit after this and I won’t”! Of course I exaggerate about the “not sitting” but I never got the whole “this will hurt you more than it hurts me” line. Was there a wrist pain they received in the act of paddling or a wearing down of one’s rotator cuff? I didn’t consider the broken heart pain.

Now that I am older, and much wiser I might add I finally understand this profound statement that has bugged me all these years. I have a five year old daughter who is incredibly headstrong. The confidence and leadership abilities she currently possess will suite a thirty year old woman and not a five your old little girl. My daughter is extremely smart and bright and she knows this. She wants to question everything, argue her point, and challenge you when you go against her. These are all great traits that will serve her well later on in a career, but not at five years old. Since her younger brother has come along we’ve noticed that she’s become more possessive and selfish with her things. Just today her brother was sitting on her blanket, she didn’t like that, yanked the blanket out from under him, and he busted his lip on the hardwood floor.

When it comes to discipline, we do spank our children. There are a lot of parents who are against this and have other methods, but as long as the spankings work, we will continue to administer them, as they were administered to my wife and me when we were younger. This being said when our daughter acts out like she does we always give her one warning; a shot across the bow if you will. If she continues on with the act that earned her the warning she gets a spanking. I always make it a point to get down on my knees, look into her eyes, and calmly explain to her why she is getting a spanking, what it was that she did wrong, and then I utter my own version of the infamous phrase. I don’t tell her that it will hurt me more than her, but I tell her that it breaks my heart to spank her. I finally understand what my parents meant by this saying. It breaks my heart to see my daughter, who I love and cherish more than life itself, have tears in her eyes, and that this spanking will bring more pain to her. I administer the spanking then immediately hold her and tell her how much I love her.

If we did not punish our children, who would, they grow up to be? Would they grow up to be defiant to their superiors and to the law, selfish, and unloving? Would they grow up not knowing that life has its consequences, and that every action has recourse? These are the reasons why I discipline my children now, and in the same why it breaks my heart. I want my children to be God fearing, obedient, children/youth/adults who know who they are and whose they are. I’ll admit my wife and I are struggling with the discipline of our daughter, because she seems to continue do her own thing. We take some of her favorite things away from her, send her to bed earlier than her brother, and of course spankings. Still nothing seems to be working. It is a struggle to say the least.

Now that I’ve exposed my daughter’s misbehaviors I feel I need to explain why I love her more than any little girl alive in this world. My daughter is so beautiful. She is going to be a beautiful young woman and cause me a great deal of grief when the boys come a calling (this will be one short call believe you me) Her smile will melt your heart. When she gets excited about something the expression on her face is illuminating. She can be so funny in her sayings and facial expressions. She literally cracks me up. She’s always asking me to dance, and I always do. She likes to wrestle and I’ll play along. She’ll sing her bible songs, and I’ll join along. I love my daughter and everything that makes her unique; however my heart breaks when she does wrong. I do not, nor will I ever, love her less. I discipline because I love her, and love what she will become.

-Steve

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R.I.P. Sheriff Andy

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on July 6, 2012 by Jeff Rushing

Sometimes it’s not easy to be a Godly Daddy in 2012. After all, the JCPenney at our local mall puts the men’s restroom behind the bra section.

At least we will always have reruns of shows like “The Andy Griffith Show” to provide some examples of how to make it through, where drama consists of trying not to hurt Aunt Bee’s feelings when she can’t make tasty pickles.

When Andy Griffith passed away July 3rd, it’s as if the Golden Age of Television died as well. You know, that period where characters didn’t talk about s-e-x every other sentence.

Sheriff Andy Taylor was a wise, patient, optimistic and decisive father with a homespun wit, someone who knew right and wrong but showed compassion for those who committed crimes in his beloved Mayberry. And nothing says a stereotypically devoted father like spending time with your boy fishing. (Or in my case with Dad, on the golf course every weekend.)

In the years that followed the show’s end in 1968, TV degraded into a land where men are portrayed as lazy idiots and either uninterested in their children or too controlling of them.

If TV producers put Sheriff Andy into 2012, they would turn him into either a gritty and corrupt cop plagued by personal vices, or a bumbling fool with a wisecracking smart aleck son who gets all the good one-liners at his dad’s expense.

In some shows such as “Everybody Loves Raymond” and “According to Jim” you barely even saw children in the house unless the dads were insulting them or complaining about spending time with them. In the case of Ross on “Friends,” he was completely unnecessary to his kid because his ex-wife and her new lesbian partner had the actual parenting under control.

I’m not saying that some of the modern stereotypes aren’t funny and don’t contain nuggets of truth, but here are the Top 5 Things I’ve Learned About Men From TV …

1. We can’t read a map. Did you know that men think they know everything and won’t listen to anyone else when they’re wrong?

2. We put watching or attending sports before spending time with our children. Not to mention the face paint, yelling and constant consumption of alcoholic beverages.

3. We love to grill but nearly obliterate everyone while doing so. OK, sure, I’m afraid that my gas grill will blow up when I turn it on, but so far, so good.

4. We don’t help our wives out around the house. Admittedly, my to-do list of home projects could cover the fridge and freezer, which is fully of yummy popsicles, which is why I’m inside and not outside actually doing work.

5. We’re neurotic because our parents are overbearing and make our lives miserable. Or didn’t your dad create a holiday where you decorate a pole and wrestle? Gee whiz, Darling Valerie and I wish we lived closer to our parents to make it easier to stop in and say hey.

It seems frustrating, but what would Andy Griffith think of all this? He’d probably just smile … and whistle.

- Jeff Rushing

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The Top 5 Things That I Will Have To Work On With Having A Daughter

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on June 25, 2012 by Jeff Rushing

When we found out that Child 2.0 was a girl I admit to being more than a little excited to being able to shop in the pink aisles.

I am very much looking forward to butterfly kisses as Penny goes to school, buying her a pink Red Sox cap to wear at baseball games, and listening to the screeches of a handful of girls during a sleepover in her bedroom as big brother Cooper flirts with them by showing off how he can burp the name of Thomas and all his locomotive friends.

Sure, she may not put baseball cards in the spokes of her bicycle or watch John Wayne marathons with me, but she likes to be tossed up and down as much as my boy does, and as our Native Americans would say in the movies, she is “strong like ox.”

Although it seems pretty well established that Cooper looks like Darling Valerie’s side of the family – I’m OK with that as long as he has my height (6’4″) and not her’s (5’2″) – so far little Penelope, however, apparently looks just like me.

To which I conclude that I would have been an adorable girl.

As much as I look forward to a life with a Daddy’s Little Girl, I begin to hear the stories of when girls get older. I mean, the Bible may provide all I need to be a mentor to my kids, it’s not an instruction manual. Not even Paul could have anticipated texting and All-American Girl.

Facebook especially gives me the chills, reading accounts of friends dealing with Teenage Daughter, and listening to Focus on the Family on the radio only exacerbates my fears of Rebellious Teenage Daughter, what with her going off to the sock hop without my permission and listening to that rock and roll music that makes you swivel your hips.

Before we get to those scary teenage years, here is my list of the Top 5 Things That I Will Have To Work On With Having A Daughter:

1. Hair – I haven’t owned a brush since college. You really think I’m ready to braid her hair? Ponytails all around!

2. Clothes – I will not be involved in anything that involves color-coordinating unless the “80s-era Cyndi Lauper” style makes a comeback.

3. Boys – I have a little bit of experience with this, having been one in my heyday. Boys are icky and always wanting to put their dirty paws on the little lasses. If she bats one of her long eyelashes, one thing leads to another and before you know it they’re couple skating to Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” next to me and Darling Valerie. How embarrassing.

4. Tea parties – This involves sharpening my acting skills. Just how delicious is this tiny cup of invisible tea?

“Mmmmm! Best cup of Earl Grey – hot – that I’ve ever had!”

“Daddy, who’s Earl Grey?”

“Sorry, Sweet Pea, that’s a Star Trekreference.”

“Star What?”

“*sigh*”

5. Entertainment – Am I ready for Bieber Fever? Or whomever teen celebrity is big in six years once he’s gone the way of the New Kids on the Block? Do I have to watch everycheesy Disney show with The Next Breakout Kid Star, or just one or two to share her interests?

With all of those things, there is one thing that I can provide that will make up for my shortfallings, and that is to give precious Penny my time.

Her hair may not be brushed and she my roll her eyes at my ignorance of the big stars, but so long as I make the effort, train her in the ways of the Lord and infuse some of my humor, we’ll all get along splendidly.

– Jeff Rushing

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Into the Blender We Go

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on June 11, 2012 by William Howell
As God would have it, Josh would be a young married man who would find himself at the end of the relationship with his wife. The marriage wasn’t meant to be, didn’t work out or they came to the end of their ropes, whatever the case may be, they were no longer married.  Shortly after, Josh met his new bride and along with this beautiful woman was another beautiful woman.  Her four year old daughter was brought into the picture and now the two became three. As Josh would say, he had an instant family.  Not long after their marriage began, they were blessed with a little boy.  Being married now 2 years, Josh and his bride have blended their families.
“Something I had to realize when I married my wife is that when I married her, I married my daughter.  These two lives were now combined into one and she was a major part of it.” Josh became candid, as he always is when he is passionate, during our talk about blended families.  ”I became very resentful of Katie. For some reason, it rose up in me.  Perhaps it was a selfish nature. She wasn’t ‘my daughter’. Then I came to the realization that she didn’t ask for me to marry her.  She didn’t ask me to marry mom.  She didn’t have a say in it. Now, I have realized that I am married to my daughter.” Josh has come a long way from being resentful to loving his new daughter. It didn’t come without a price.
Josh had to learn that he was first a husband to his wife then the father to the daughter that wasn’t really his.  I listen to Josh and how he fervently cares for both his children. One thing that he learned is “anyone can be a dad but it take a real man to be a father.”
Along with the resentment towards his daughter, he found that she had a hard time adjusting that he was the disciplinarian.  Many times in blended families, the children become hostile and resentful because now they have multiple adults attempting to act as the parent and this causes much confusion.  Josh had to work with his wife and her daughter to find a healthy balance to the discipline. In the end, though Katie prefers her biological father’s relaxed parenting style, it is Josh who gets hugs at night and the privilege of praying for boo boos.
 I believe that when we find ourselves in this situation, we can truly relate to the Father.  He has adopted each one of us as His own.  Recently, I grasped a revelation that was shared by a pastor friend of mine.  When John was writing the book of John, he referred to himself as “the disciple that Jesus loved.” The word love is often mistaken as the Greek PHILEO love which means to simply approve of  but instead, this word for Love was AGAPE meaning “to be fond of.” John grasped the theory that Jesus didn’t just like him but Jesus truly was fond of John.
How often do we miss the opportunity to relate to our children through AGAPE love instead of PHILEO love our children? Josh and his beautiful bride will have the opportunity to love their children with the love of a parent. But now Josh will have another great opportunity, to show his daughter that she is special to him because he chose her.

I would probably add a disclaimer like “This article is not intended on taking the place of marriage counseling or any other professional advice. Please seek the advice of a competent professional.

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Thoughts on Modesty (Part 2)

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on June 4, 2012 by B.J. Maxwell

In light of my previous post, modesty is far more than about how short a skirt is or low-cut a blouse may be.  Biblical modesty is the cultivation of the inner person that befits a daughter of Sarah (1 Pt 3.1-6).  Modesty is part-and-parcel of living a gospel-centered life.  How then might we invest gospel-driven modesty in our homes?

1. We must instill in our sons a love for modesty that complements their hatred for immodesty. We default to immodesty if we don’t have other alternatives. If they shouldn’t consider “that” attractive then what should they consider attractive? This means mothers must model biblical modesty (1 Tim 2.9-10;1 Pt 3.1-6) and fathers must praise them for it.

We should use language of beauty when women display a “gentle and quiet spirit.” This will drill into them that beauty is this and not that. He must know that beauty is not in the eye of the beholder, but in the eye of our Creator. Our sons must know that our sin perverts beauty, and Christ must change our heart-eyes so that we see what God sees. This is not to say we must consider “looks” irrelevant, but that we must not define a person by them.

Fathers are certainly to blame for off-colored comments, cat calls and grunts. When our sons see our eyes follow a woman sauntering by, he assumes it’s okay to watch women saunter by. As we instruct our sons about beauty we must be able to ask them, “Son, do you see Dad watching those things?” or “Son, do you ever hear Dad talking about women that way?” Lord willing, they will say “no.” And our daughters will know what kind of man is best for them to marry.

Further, I’m afraid mothers are trying to become more like their daughters than the other way around. We can’t expect young ladies to understand modesty when their mothers compete for the same attention. I want to ask many women, “Aren’t you 40? Why do you and your 12-year-old dress alike?” The hidden person of the heart is so 16th century, I suppose. I’m eternally thankful for a mom who was a daughter of Sarah (1 Pt 3.6). She dressed modestly, walked with dignity, served with humility, carried herself maturely and honored my dad highly. Because of her example I knew what sort of woman I should marry (and did!). Her example didn’t keep me from every indecent thought, but it did inform who I wanted to wake up with each morning.

2. We must teach our sons to avoid temptation. So let’s not put them in over their heads, which is something very difficult for them to judge. Young men lack sense (Prov 7.7) and there are some places that are just stupid for them to go (Prov 7.24-27). Knowing where the sweet-talking mistress lives, why would we insist they use her street to come home?

I’ve heard horror stories about our local high school. I’m sure some are apocryphal, but if they’re even half true I’m terrified. Perverse sexual behavior in the halls, latch-key lives that open more than the back door, locker room sex education. If I wouldn’t want my son watching/hearing any of that on TV or screen then why would I want him to see it live? We wouldn’t intentionally subject our children to physical harm, so why would we freely subject them to spiritual harm?

The alternative is settling for some level of allowable immodesty. If you wouldn’t want your son peeping in your neighbors bedroom window then why allow him to watch another couple doing the same thing on TV? Why is one indecent and the other not? If I wouldn’t want him seeing sexually explicit material in print, then why subject him to seeing it in person? If I would chastise him for looking a friends sexually explicit magazine in a school locker, then why tolerate him looking at it being acted out by the lockers?

However, we must also teach them how God intends we resist temptation. We cannot make hermits of our sons. They must confront evil and tempation. They must know there is a real enemy after their soul who will use any means necessary to derail their holiness (Eph 6.12; 1 Pt 5.8-9). That lustful (or greedy or angry, etc.) thought is a means to an end: treasuring something more than Christ; loving hell more than heaven. It’s thievery, wanting something that’s not yours.

As we instill an avoidance instinct we must also instill a resistance instinct. If a stranger approaches my son with some sort of proposition then I want him to yell and run. If Satan approaches my son with some sort of proposition then I want him to resist with Scripture (Phil 4.8, for example), prayer and getting the heck out of the situation. Avoid the fight if you can, but fight like mad if you must. And “having done everything, stand firm” (Eph 6.10-17). If they are Christ’s, God will not leave them to destruction.

3. Sin is not what we do, it’s who we are. The most well-equipped son with all the tools of biblical avoidance and resistance will still find a way to violate women and pervert beauty. It’s amazing how vividly I can remember images I haven’t seen in 25 years, but can’t remember the Scripture I memorized yesterday. Not even becoming eunuch eradicates sin. Changed scenery is only a temporary fix. We must have a changed heart.

In the end, we must not make our son’s purity about self-righteousness, but Christ’s. We must leave them hoping in God’s grace and forgiveness in Christ rather than any self-discipline of the will. It will do him no good to have the purest mind, but a Christless heart.

I talk a much better game than I play. I leave the thousand other things that should be said to those more qualified and mature. God have mercy.

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Thoughts on Modesty (Part 1)

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on May 23, 2012 by B.J. Maxwell

C.J. Mahaney writes the following in his book  entitled Worldliness:

Dads, I want to urge you to take responsibility for your daughters’ dress. Fathers are absolutely essential to the cultivation of modesty. When a young lady dresses immodestly, it usually means her father has failed to lead, care for and protect her.  Without a father’s care and protection, she may be daily exposed to the lustful minds of men.

My three daughters are grown and married now, but from an early age I sought to impress upon them the importance of modesty. Before an article of clothing became a permanent part of their wardrobe my girls had to get my approval. This wasn’t always easy—for them or for me. Modest clothing is hard to find. Sometimes, they’d arrive home after an all day shopping trip only to hear me say: “That’s not gonna, work, my love. I’m so sorry, but exhaustion from shopping doesn’t excuse immodesty. We’re not going to compromise.”

We confronted this very issue several years ago.  Pastors gladly live on used clothes. When our oldest daughter was 3-years-old she came into some shorts that had writing on the backside. What possible reason would there be for writing on the back of a 3-year-old’s shorts?  They were quickly relegated to play-at-home shorts and even then were to be worn backwards.

I see no reason for any girl (especially Christian or those being raised in the gospel) to want such writing except to say, “Look here!”  They mustn’t then wonder later why all guys want is to get into the very shorts they’re advertising! “You can’t deal me all the aces and expect me not to play,” crooned the country star. Yes, there is a word to be said to our sons as well.

Some may say, “C’mon, Maxwell, shes just three and they’re just cute shorts.” To that I say, “Shes not just three. She’s already three and already processing and learning the definition of modesty. I’d rather her learn that from Scripture, not you.” I understand the nature of total depravity, which means that I and my son are like dumb oxen and stupid birds (Prov 7.22-23). We need no help luring our eyes to inappropriate places. Men will take the bait every time. Therefore, I don’t intend to teach my daughter to set the hook.

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